Crying As a Form of Manipulation

Ever since we were children we would cry and cry and cry to get what we want. A cookie, a change of diapers, our mommy, toys,  blankets, even an ice cream cone before dinner. If you really think about some things never really change.


In the numerous acting classes I have studied at they taught us different forms of manipulation. Basically asking yourself as the character, “What do I want and how will I get it?” I had a scene where I played a girl who wanted a bigger wedding than her fiance…and in the scene crying definitely worked.

Now, maybe that’s not so easy to believe because it’s not a real life scenario. But how about this:

I went to a psychology seminar by two very respected psychologists who I absolutely admire. It was a relationship seminar where one of their basic points was how we manipulate our partners into giving us what we want.

There were several things we do to manipulate:

  • Guilt trip
  • Sex
  • Money
  • Crying
  • Screaming
  • Silent treatment.

I am focusing on the crying part because it is not only in romantic relationships where we want things it is also from our friends and family.

The Crier

Have you noticed that when someone cries ALL THE TIME it is not as effective and starts to get a little annoying after a while? Now, try thinking of the complete opposite.   Think of someone you have never seen cry and one day their eyes start watering and explode with tears like your belt explodes off of your pants on a Thanksgiving dinner.  Now THAT  is way more effective. That face and those tears stay with you just like how those mashed potatoes are gravy stay with your thighs. It’s important to know the difference between somebody abusing this “crying manipulation” and doing it seldom.

Am I being manipulated or is this person really just, miserable?

We are conditioned as children for the most part that crying gives us what we want. This does not mean that crying is bad. Crying is a release of your FAB emotions and is an incredibly healthy release, just like having a really good loud scream. It is a natural thing to do. It is the human thing to do. Now, be aware that this doesn’t mean every time you see me or anybody cry in front of you we are trying to manipulate you. NO. It is just being aware that these things can take place. Just a very general observation relating back to our childhoods.

This applies to both men

and women

and everyone in between.

If there is a hooker who wants to manipulate you to sleep with him/her then it might be hard to avoid when you have money to spend in your pocket and you are looking for your version of a “Good time”. It is not easy to avoid being manipulate especially if it’s by someone you love or are in love with.  I know that as a FAB reader you are smart enough to know what is healthy and unhealthy for you.

There are warning signs to see if you are being manipulated, but are never really that clear. For example, if someone is making you feel really guilty about something you have already apologized for (Say you accidently called their girlfriend a ho or you broke their window) and you knowingly and willingly apologized then they are manipulating you with the guilt.

Why do people do this? Because it makes them feel more secure. It helps them feel like they have gained a little bit of power back because of what you did. It’s a game.

If someone cries in front of you about something stupid like “My 4th boyfriend within 2 weeks is dumping me and I don’t love myself” then A) this person is trying to make you feel bad FOR THEM and get some kind of sympathy out of you and B) You should find this kind of person a realllllllyyyyyy good therapist.

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